How to Deal With a Person or a Person in a Leadership Role Who is Not Trustworthy?

How do you deal with a person or a person in leadership who is not trustworthy?

  • First focus on yourself and leave the other person in God’s hands.
    • Allow for the possibility that the other person may change. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
    • Forgive. (Luke 6:37).
    • Expect God to use trials to bring triumph.
    • Pray for those whom have hurt you. (Romans 12:12).
    • Maintain an understanding heart. Hurt people hurt people. (Proverbs 15:1).
    • Behave in a Christ-like manner. (1 Peter 1:13).
    • Remember to forgive. Reconciliation is the end goal. (Luke 17:3-4).
  • If the person is not willing to change.
    • Confront in private. Matt, 18:15-20, Luke 17:3, Gal. 6:1-2.
    • If confronting in private does not work take two or more witnesses. (Matt. 18:16).
    • Church discipline may be necessary (Matt. 18:17).
  • If all else fails, remove yourself from the situation.
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Teachings about How to Deal With Abuse

Teachings about How to Deal With Abuse

1 Samuel Chapters 16-26 has much to teach about dealing with abuse.

Saul showed many of the characteristics frequently seen among abusers, including: 1) blames his abuse on David; 2) has history of not taking responsibility for his actions, and using excuses; 3) prideful; 4) extreme jealousy; 5) controlling behavior; 6) rebellious; 7) lies; 8) repeatedly abuses, asks for forgiveness, then repeats the abuse; 9) becomes obsessive about David and stalks him; 10) he twists the intents and meanings of others, and sees evil in others’ motives; 11) lacks empathy; 12) is insecure; 13) uses his position or power as a license to abuse; 14) had difficulty loving his son; 15) unwilling to admit sin in his life or in others’ lives (see Judges 20); 16) at times seem “possessed” or “out of his mind.”

David: 1) tried to satisfy his abuser and was uneasy around him; 2) found that all his efforts to satisfy his abuser and avoid violence didn’t work; 3) grew up with abuse in his family of origin: his brothers were abusive to him, and father treated him as inferior; 4) found that some people were not willing to believe he was being abused; 5) was stalked after fleeing his abuser.

We see attempts by Saul to keep David under his control and to separate him from his family (1 Samuel 18:2). We see that Saul is insecure and becomes jealous of David, monitoring his every move (1 Samuel 18:8-9).

Saul asked for forgiveness and apologizes profusely (1 Samuel 19:1-10): 1) tears (1 Samuel 24:16); 2) apologies (1 Samuel 24:17); 3) promises (1 Samuel 26:21); 4) confessions (1 Samuel 26:21).

Wisely, David did not blindly trust Saul’s promises, confessions, and apologies. He cautiously kept a safe distance from Saul, waiting to see fruits of repentance (Luke 3:8; Matthew 7:15-16).

Over time, we see King Saul’s abuse of David escalates: 1) control through ( 1 Samuel 18:2); isolation; 2) paranoid jealousy or anger ( 1 Samuel 18:8-9); 3) attacking with weapon ( 1 Samuel 18:10-11); 4) secretly arranging David’s death ( 1 Samuel 18:25); 5) publicly announces death warrant (1 Samuel 19:1); 6) sending an army to stalk and kill David (1 Samuel 23:8).

David is bewildered and can’t understand what he could have done to cause Saul to want to harm him. We see that David did not do anything to provoke Saul. In fact, he repeatedly attempted to reason with Saul in order to stop the abuse. None of his efforts worked (1 Samuel 20:1 and 26:18).

King Saul repeatedly called David his “enemy” (1 Samuel 19:17 and 24:19), even though David promised not to harm him (1 Samuel 24:21-22) and spared his life twice (1 Samuel 24 and 26).

Confronting Abuse:

Jesus taught that we are to speak truth to those who sin against us in a relationship (Matthew 18:15-17), and even rebuke them (Luke 17:3).

King Saul’s abuse of David has escalated to the point that he stalked David, seeking to kill him. David confronts Saul: 1) He does it in a safe situation, keeping a safe distance; 2) He names the abuse and specific violations; 3) He sets a boundary–what he will and will not do (see verses 24:12 and 26:23); 4) He requests a specific change or tries to negotiate for a specific solution (verses 24:14-15, 21-22 and 26:19-20); 5) He tests the agreement and waits to see if Saul keeps his word. He doesn’t trust blindly, but waits to see if his abuser is trustworthy (1 Samuel 24:8-15 and 1 Samuel 26:13-20).

David always treated Saul with respect. He respected the person God put in authority, even if that person acted wickedly.  However, he did not freely allow himself to be abused by this person. David never retaliated against Saul or laid a hand on him. David found that though Saul acknowledged his abusive actions and promised to stop, the abuse continued.

Whether or Not to Flee Abuse:

David faced the question in his relationship with King Saul whether or not to flee from an abusive situation.

After Saul becomes angry and jealous, an evil spirit comes over him, and he tries to kill David (1 Samuel 18:8-11).

After Saul tries to spear him again, David understands that this is a pattern that will repeat itself. He confides in the prophet Samuel and in Saul’s son Jonathan, people he trusted (1 Samuel 19:10).

At first, not even David’s close friend Jonathan believed David, but David persisted and enlisted Jonathan’s assistance (1 Samuel 20:2). Jonathan eventually helps David to develop a safety plan before David tests Saul (1 Samuel 20:18-22).

When David sees that he is definitely in danger from Saul, he leaves Saul’s presence (1 Samuel 20:30-35).

Jesus and Paul also escaped rather than allowing themselves to be abused by people who were out to harm them (Luke 4:28-30 and 9:23-25; Acts 9:23-25 and 14:5-6).  In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus taught that we should stay away from those who persist in abusing, after we have made an effort to resolve the situation.

Characteristic of an Abuser:

He forbids or criticizes your outside activities and interests.

___   He gets angry when you disagree with him.

___   When there is a problem in the relationship, he blames you.

___   He accuses you of flirting with other men when you are not.

___   He follows you to check up on you.

___   You know or suspect that he has been involved with other women.

___   He is late or stands you up for appointments or dates.

___   He sometimes drinks too much and becomes physically or verbally abusive.

___   He embarrasses you in front of other people.

___   He is critical of the way you look or dress.

___   He insists on driving the car when you go out.

___   He has hit, shoved, or threatened you.

___   He does or says things you never thought you could tolerate.

___   He stops talking to you or withdraws his affection when he wants to win an

argument or make a point.

___   He says he needs his freedom or “space.”

___   He has used physical force to make you bend to his will.

___   He doesn’t allow you to have a checking account and gives you an allowance

to pay the bills.

___   He withholds information about household finances.

___   He uses sex to quiet your doubts about the relationship.

___   He is not interested in your day.

___   He gives you extra money or buys you presents when you have been “good.”

___   He calls you a nag or accuses you of stirring up trouble if you want to talk about

the problems in the relationship.

___   He calls you by a demeaning or derogatory nickname instead of using your real


___   He doesn’t phone when he is going to be late.

___   He wants you around when he is there.

___   He has been arrested at least once.

___   He feels uncomfortable or gets angry with you when you get attention (for instance,

because of some aspect of your job or a special accomplishment).

___   He puts down your accomplishments and abilities.

___   He discounts, trivializes, or makes fun of your feelings.

___   He often says you’re too critical.

___   He flirts with women in front of you.

___   He makes you feel sorry for him.

___   He does things that frighten you.

___   He finds fault with your friends and the people you are close to.

___   He often contradicts you.

___   He says you are crazy, stupid, or incompetent.

Physical Abuse (in order of increasing severity and danger)
Holding down, blocking, pinning
Pushing or shoving
Shaking or jerking
Slapping and bruising
Throwing objects
Black eyes, cuts, chipped teeth
Burning with hot drinks, cigarettes, etc.
Causing serious falls
Severe beatings
Broken bones
Hitting with objects
Back injuries, paralysis
Internal injuries
Use of weapons

Psychological Abuse (in order of increasing severity and danger)
“Jokes” or put-downs that demean the victim
Acting like the victim’s feelings, needs, and ideas don’t matter
Enforcing rigid roles and rules for women
Controlling through jealousy
Isolating the victim
Insults and name-calling
Yelling and raging
Humiliation, throwing food
Fist through wall
Threats and intimidation
Destruction of her property
Hurting or killing pets
Displaying guns, sleeping with guns
Depriving the victim of sleep
Abuser threatens suicide
Tries to get the victim to commit suicide
Threatens to kill her and/or the children

Sexual Abuse (in order of increasing severity and danger)
Anger at women
Sexual jokes and put-downs
Embarrassing comments
Treat woman as a sexual object; sex expected as a duty
Withholding sex to punish
Touching victim in ways that feel “uncomfortable” Promiscuity and sexual “affairs”
Sex after or together with violence or abuse
Forced by violence or threats into sexual acts the victim doesn’t want to do
Marital rape
Incest with children
Death of victim




























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YOU. . .

There is only one YOU. There is no one else like you. Everything about you is found in one individual – YOU. God wants you to be YOU.

You were made in God’s image. Gen. 1:27.

You were created for God’s own purpose and glory. Isa. 43:7.

God gave you talents, skills, and abilities you need in order to accomplish His purpose for you. Proverbs 19:21.

You are valued. Every person has a priceless value in the eyes of Christ. Your life has value. You are an amazing creation, wonderfully made by God. Psalm 139:13-16.

God is not concerned about your outward looks, but is concerned about your thoughts and intentions. 1 Samuel 16:7; Proverbs 31:30.

Your true worth is based not on anything you have done or will do, but what Jesus has already done for you. God loved you so intensely that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to die for you on the cross. 1 John 4:9-10; John 3:16.

Jesus Christ established your worth – you were worth His life, you were worth dying for. John 15:13.

Those who believe and accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior are spiritually  born into God’s family. He is your Father. You are His child. John 1:12-13.







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Helpful Tips

1. Get outdoors and take a walk and while you walk, smile, and pray. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’

4. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

5. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

6. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

7. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

8. Don’t take yourself so seriously.

9. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

10. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what kind of prerequisites came with their journey.

12. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

13. Forgive everyone for everything.

14. What other people think of you is not important.

15.  GOD  is a  healer.

16. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

17. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.  Stay in touch.

18. Envy is a waste of time and a place of bondage. You already have all you need.

19.  Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________.

20.  Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

21. Trust Him and depend on Him even when you don’t understand why you are where you are.

22. Untie His hands with your thoughts of rationality and let Him bless you so that He will be Glorified.

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A New Humanity

The fall of humanity has occasioned multitude of consequences that are sometimes mistaken for the work of evil. Adam and Eve died spiritually when they disobeyed God (Genesis 2:17). Their spiritual death (separation from God) has brought myriads of other spiritual conditions that have handicapped their harmony and relationship with God.

The Bible says that when they committed sin, they began to feel uncomfortable and had to find mechanisms that allowed them to cope with their spiritual death.

Hiding from the presence of God was the beginning of their misery. It is unbelievable that Adam and Eve would think they could hide from the Ominpresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent God. Not only did Adam try to hide, he also starterd arguing and blaming God for their fallen condition. Their knowledge of the essence of God became tainted and distorted as they allowed sin into their existence.

The intrusion of sin had changed the atmosphere as a result, the once peaceful Garden became a place of strivings, struggles, hopelessness, and helplessness. Allowing Satan to draw them in a path of denial, Adam and Eve had lost the knowledge of God.

Fear opens doors to other ills. Adam and Eve became anxious and fearful. They were insecure and afraid of everything. Anxiety and fear engendered depression and disillusion. Shame and guilt also became obvious in their lives (Genesis 2:25). It was the first time they realized that they were naked and they needed to cover up. Their already long list of fear, shame, and guilt was increased by their manipulation of the truth.

In the Garden of Eden, they enjoyed fellowship with God. After the fall, they lost that communion and the sense of belonging to God. They felt worthless, weak, and helpless. Their children followed their paths and so did the entire humanity.

The Bible clearly states that the devil comes to destroy, to steal, and kill, and rule the world. We also read that the devil cannot destroy whoever is controlled by the Spirit of the living God. They belong to God. If a believer does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. In other words, God’s dwelling in us produces in us not only a revival in our spirit but also ushers us in a new humanity.




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Overworked? Not Getting the Recognition You Think You Deserve?

What do you do when you are overworked?

  • Set boundaries for yourselves.
  • Know your limits.
  • Learn to say no.
    • Review your job description.
    • Know what tasks you need to complete.
    • Meet with your boss to discuss work overload.
    • If your boss is still unwilling to cooperate with you, apply the Matt.16 biblical model or discuss issue with personnel department or your boss’s boss.
    • If your boss remains unreasonable, you may need to seek other job opportunities.  

What if others get the praise for the work you have done?

  • Love others.
    • To really love others, you usually need to help them see themselves as God does. Christians should follow Jesus’ model of love. Jesus’ model calls believers to “love your enemies and expect nothing in return” (Luke 6:35). If we love, then we will act in selfless ways. Love is a fruit of the Spirit, produced in our lives as we yield ourselves to God.
    • Consider others before yourself (Phil. 2:3).
    • Pray for others.
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Loving Others

Many people define love as an emotion and stop there. The apostle Paul defined love as a commitment to act in a certain way toward others. We may not be able to conjure up the emotions and feelings of love, but we can certainly practice the behavior the apostle Paul described in Scripture. Paul knew that when we behave in loving ways, feelings of love soon follow.

Part of considering the interest of others is to do them tangible good. But to really love them, you usually need to help them see themselves as God does. Christians should follow Jesus’ model of love. Jesus’ model calls believers to “love your enemies and expect nothing in return” (Luke 6:35).      

True love is self-giving, not self-seeking. Following Jesus’ model, we lay down our lives for each other. If we love, then we will act in selfless ways. If we do not feel like loving or do not feel loved, 1 Corinthians 13 is a wonderful reminder of how God loves us and how we can show love to others.

God commands us to love. Love is a responsibility. We cannot truly love as God commands apart from a relationship with God, who is love. If we do not have love, nothing else matters (1 Corinthians 13:1-4). Love is a fruit of the Spirit, produced in our lives as we yield ourselves to God.

God is love. As we begin to absorb His love, we will find ourselves reaching out to love others in the same way. No one loves perfectly, but we must not give up on loving. We can accept the responsibility to love and stop waiting for others to love us. When we choose to act in loving ways, the emotions will follow. We will find that love grows in our lives as we accept our responsibility to love and ask God to let His love flow through us.

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The Greatest, The Surest, and The Unmovable Rock

Even if we stumble and fail, God’s love is the greatest, the surest, and the unmovable rock in the midst of life inconsistencies. Christians are secure in God’s love. Because of the security we have in Christ, the object of anger, anxiety, and depression should be left to His expertise. Even when we wander, He is the shepherd who knows the way to the fresh pasture, fresh stream and peaceful shades. He has the ability to turn the wanderings and stumbling, and raging storms into spiritual strength.

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The Monster Within

Frank V. is a product of sin. Frank was ambitious, but self-centered. After hours of isolation in a room, Frank changes his view on life. Without thinking, he identifies the created monster within himself. This monster’s new name is no other than, sin. You can see the beginnings of this period as Frank tries to learn about the world, but instead finds a cruel world. Words of confusion, of disappointment, and sadness come from Frank. The overwhelming possibility of the monster hurting other people becomes apparent to him. The monster turns against mankind. Hands, strained with blood become real to the monster. The monster’s sins caused the deaths and become Frank’s endless guilt of torment and shame. The sin-filled monster brought with it the encouragement of such emotions and feelings.  

Guilt and shame can be consequences of our past mistakes in the world today. In a meeting in an office with the counselor, Frank realizes his vital mistake in creating the monster that emerged within. The importance of using shame and guilt as a motivating influence is clear as this attribute of sin develops. Guilt consumes him as he faces the consequences of his mistakes.  Frank sees that it is his duty to protect humanity against this monster. Man must take responsibility for his actions. Frank created an experiment without thinking of the future consequences of his passions and must correct them. In the world, man fixes a problem with a problem. Frank V. feels guilt after hearing the monster’s confusion of hurt. The monster wanted to be accepted by humans. Instead, he was rejected by humankind. Frank makes a deal with the hidden monster lying within him. The deal includes Frank and his inner monster residing far away from humans for eternity.

The role of sin in the world may have damaging effects if the responsibility for our actions, whether good or bad, is not made a priority. This is presented clearly when Frank becomes consumed with his sin experiment forgetting to adopt rules and responsibility for his monster. Frank’s monster becomes lethal.  Sin today spirals out of control, sometimes with lethal consequences. The story of Frank V. shows how discovered knowledge of sin can have damaging effects, when a person does not consider the consequences of his actions. Frank’s sin is a symbol of the ability to create potential monstrosities.             

Sin fundamentally alters the way people live. Not all are willing to except that change. Problems of sin are seen as shortcomings which could be eliminated. The change is seen as beneficial. The knowledge of a sin-filled heart is seen as increasing power.

Frank V’s story catches the spirit of the consequences of sin and warns of the dangers and perils of the future advances of sin. Frank’s predictions take into consideration the fact that our world changes radically and our actions may cause unforgettable and damaging consequences. Our moral duty in the world is to take responsibility for our actions whether good or bad. Emotions of guilt and shame motivate us to take responsibility for our conduct.

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My Desire

Yet I still belong to You;

You are holding my right hand,

You will keep on guiding me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.

Whom do I look forward to seeing, but You?

I desire you more than anything on earth.

My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.

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